Patience. Diligence.

im so tired of it all. im especially tired of being half bad-ass. (i decided thats what im being.) my greatest influences are people i dont want to be like. the traits i hate the most are visible in the people who im with the most. and are therefore starting to show up in MY life.
what am i thinking?
im tired of being irresponsible. being a kid is great. but honestly?, im not one anymore.
im tired of being selfish. there are so many people i love, and currently im number one.
im tired of caring. about what people that i dont care about - think about me.

some very large part about me wants to be the guy in the picture, from the movie Knocked Up. someone who lives with some guys, has no money but doesnt care, watches movies all day, does... nothing really. just lives, and doesnt care about other things, he doesnt have a purpose.
it sounds amazing.
but, by the end of this movie he is thrust into the hardest, most commited situation ever. where he has to provide for a family, that he didnt even want. but he does. he quits smoking pot, he stops hanging out with his friends. he actuly gets a job, and does an awesome job!
i guess in this sense i respect his character. the transformation between nothing, and being a responsible man.

im fed up with the stuff i do. im done being a half badass, half man, half kid, mixture. but its so impossibly hard to just change, i want a catalyst. but thats not the right way.
i refuse to be like my 20 year old friends though. i will not be working a dead-end job (or no job), living at home, no real responsibilities. as much as i dont, i want to skip over what they are all doing. and i want to go right to being the MAN that God made me. but maybe just maybe, the man that God made me, is actually a irresponsible kid. for now. and its part motivation, part acceptance, and part patience.


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Listening to: Haste The Day - Servant ties