The long way home

Tonight I took the long way home on my moped, It was hard to do because I was right down the street from my house, but I spent a good amount of time weaving in and out of streets and looking at the street lights.
I was at a party, playing card games and hanging out with friends after our weekly college group. A friend told me that he had something to talk to me about, but he didnt want anyone else to hear, so we walked down a hallway.
He told me that he is changing religions, from Christianity to agnostic or atheist. (He hasn't decided which one yet) He took a long time telling me, you could tell he knew that I wouldnt like it. The first thing I asked is why, and he told me it was because he has been praying for stuff, and God doesnt answer. My friend feels like God isnt there anymore, and he has been wasting time praying and reading his bible. I told him what I thought of the whole situation, that I didnt like it, that I want him to be a Christian. But I also told him that it was his decision to make, that he cant be a Christian because other people want him to be one, because his parents want him to be one. I told him that you cant change religions to atheism, that by definition it is the absence of religion. He was bummed that he wont be able to go to atheist church services... But he stuck to his decision.
I told him that I will be praying for him, that I believe one day God will talk to him and make Himself known to my friend. That we all have to make our faith our own, especially those of us raised in a Christian home, where it came naturally to believe. And that he has to do that still. I explained that God isnt a vending machine and prayer isnt our currency. That God has always been answering his prayers, just not in the way my friend wanted. I wasnt trying to convince him otherwise, I was just making sure he knew these things.
He asked me to come with him, and stand next to him when he told the rest of our friends that he doesn't believe anymore. Because he feels that if I am with him, then other people wont think he is so strange. I told him I would.
He plans on telling his parents about it in 15 years, when he has moved out, and has a girlfriend.

He is taking a spanish class this summer, and is scarred that nobody will help him with homework. He told me that he hopes there arent very many Christians in his spanish class, because Christians never help him with homework. But agnostics and atheists are always willing to help.
His dream is to help people, and from what he has observed, the best way to help people is by not being a Christian.
And that is why I took the long way home tonight. Because I call myself a Christian, and somehow by the grace of God this friend sees me as a different kind of Christian, one who is nice and who helps him. But more often than not I ignore his calls, I tell him my car is full and to find a ride with someone else, I cut off our conversations to talk with someone else. More often than not I am the kind of person who he doesn't want to be. More often than not I am what is making him into an agnostic or atheist (he still hasn't decided)

Purpose

For the last few weeks, even months. I have been trying to figure out my life. where am I going? what am i doing? I am 100% down for anything that God wants me to do, but what do i do when he isnt saying much, when i cant figure out what direction he wants me to go.

So i sat with david seehusen, and discussed these things. We started talking about gifts, and where im gifted. I had been thinking tech, media. thats what i have always done as my ministry, im gifted there and my churches have always needed someone to do those things - so it fit. But something david said really hit me, he said "Taylor, when i think of your gifts i dont think of tech as one of them." he said that my biggest gifts are these things that have nothing to do with clicking a button, with uploading sermons to a website. that my God given gifts all have to do with people, making them feel welcome, relating with them, communicating things to them. and he is right.
why have i always thought that for me ministry = tech, when i know that im gifted much better in other areas!

I have been thinking that i want to go to rock harbor church after my internship, and get involved there (of course - doing media) but i would be so much better suited somewhere else, where i can lead, where i can explain, where i can relate to people.

I just took a spiritual gift test thing online, and this is what it says...

As a gifted shepherd, you have the Spirit-given capacity and desire to serve God by overseeing, training, and caring for the needs of a group of Christians. You are usually very patient, people-centered, and willing to spend time in prayer for others. You tend to be a "Jack of All and Master of ONE," meaning you are usually dominant in one of the speaking gifts (evangelist, prophet, teacher, exhorter) as well. You are often authoritative, more a leader than a follower, and expressive, composed, and sensitive. Your pleasing personality draws people to you.


God show what to do with my gifts! Where to best serve you with my life.